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[we're on uroguru.ru] [it's designed like a regular internet-shop for counterfeits + mock banners + a few spelling mistakes] [starts speaking in broken russian] gentlemen... i'm the one and only... the first ever...



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erectile dysfunction pills, ...tashmir mukhratov, at your orders... also famous worldwide as... ...uro... [vulture-like sounds]


...guru!!! [evil laugh] ...craftsman of any dream... ...legendary producer... ...yes... ...of the powerful... ...of the powerful... cute... ...of the powerful... cute... pills... ...that increase...


...i promise... ...your... [hold for it] ...po-teeeeee-eeency!!!! [rock star style] [scratches] wow! a bunny... my pills got for sure no poison and no toxic stuff inside! it's all natural! [robot voice and moves]


"it is really, really safe..." "i put inside lime, chalk, amphetamines and only a non-deadly dose of antibiotics..." "...plus a bit of shoe polish..." "...so that all holds nicely..." "...to-gether!" [insane laugh] once you take my mighty pill, in case you experience any funky... ...ehem... ...funky... fun...


[procrastinating] ...funky... ...funky effects... ...well... that's also... absolutely... ...aaaall - riiiiight - eeeeeey!!! [rock star style] all - righty! well... ...truth be told... ...is anyone normal, nowadays?


and... well... nobody managed to sign an insurance policy against death... anyway... guys! over all, here's the thing: i got everything you may need... ... and it's a bargain... pfizer: beware of counterfeits, they can be really dangerous for your health! pfizer: now you know the harmful ingredients found in counterfeit products, often sold in internet-stores, looking as the originals but much cheaper. pfizer: for the real product, go to get-hard.ru tashmir: guys, c'mon, are you for real?


wha' the... are you for real, guys? i know... it's like, you know... yeap... damn... it's a setup... ...it's ... a setup... i'm telling you... [embarrassing mumbling] ...we keep going... [more panting and wheezing] everything is under control... click to find out more...


...on how to increase your potency... well, well! folks! right!... so... you're all still here... ...it means i must be doing something right! yes! so here came the time to give you a hint... ...on how my sweet, tiny, nearly free pill works... ...inside your body.


so... ...first it blasts through your guts... ...and... ...at precisely this moment... ...when you least expect it... ...she's going to drill your beloved... lungs! ...aaaaand... [mumbling] ...why are they two of these...?


weird! ...hold on, hold on... light's off... [more mumbling] [pulls away the background/curtain, revealing a weirdo sleeping on a bike] [wakes him up] [whispering] chop, chop! back to work! [whispering] chop, chop! [the guy starts pedaling and the light goes up again] [panting and wheezing]


if whatever kind of discomfort starts... ...what's the name of this... [mumbling] ...i keep forgetting... ...in general! ...well... in general... ...it's getting late, so i won't insist, just remember... ...everything is going to be... ...aaaaaaall - riiiighty - eeeeah!!!!... ...wha' da... what's... c'mon...


[stunned] umm... ok! in case there are any... ...again, any problems... ...just write to bla@bla-bla-bla dot ru... [vo behind camera] we're still shooting... tashmir: what?... but... ...you mean... right away? [vo behind camera] yeap


tashmir: ok... let's go... let's go... pfizer: beware of counterfeits, they can be very dangerous for your health! pfizer: producers of counterfeits place announcements on boards along the roads, featuring a phone number and the price or the word "gift". tashmir: bring the camera here! yeap! we're shooting right here! everybody at their places! hey, take care!


go, go, go, go, go... yeap!... go, go, go, go... stop! a dash backwards... stop! [clearing his throat] right here!... ...i... ...uro guru... ...hold my standards at cosmic heights!


so that we craft here the best in the world pills for our highly praised clients... ... and fans of the hardening of your... ...poooo-teeeeeeen-ceeeeeeeeey!!!! [rock star style] let's go! [weird dude pedals] we use only the best of the best! ingredients that passed the test of time: preservatives! almost harmless glue... ...and artificial colorings from the best chemical plants on earth!


but!... ...the most crucial ingredient of them all... ...my most secret ingredient... ...try guessing... ...what it is... yes!... it is... ...love! ...it's...


looove... looooo-v-eeeeee-eeeee... looo-v-eee-eeee... [laughs, proud of himself] yessss... rub it well... well done... quality control means... ...playing against chemistry... ...trying to score... ...at the same goal!


[laughs, puzzled by his own metaphor] and now you play for... us! uh... my beauty... ...enough... go... welcome to the world of... ...success!! [explosion] [panicked] let's go! there's a fire! friends, we've got...


...a bit of a situation... [inconclusive mumbling] [beats it] pfizer: the production of counterfeits goes on in places that do not comply with production standards and could contain elements that will damage your health, including rat fecies. most often they sell through internet-stores, looking like real products but much cheaper. dear clients... ...because of a few minor technical problems... ...our hi-tech factory of... ...poooo-teeeeen-ceeeeeey!... [rock star style]


...it will have to immediately close... ...and move to another building... ...maybe... even to another country... ...but... ...you'll anyway find us! we're... like... ...a super-collider... ...and we'll never give up!... and also... [police car approaching]


[crazy laugh of joy] tashmir's wife: take me with you, tashmir mukhratov!! tashmir: go away, woman! tashmir's wife: take me with you!... tashmir: you're too heavy! let go! tashmir's wife: i'm not heavy! pfizer: beware of counterfeits, they can be very dangerous for your heath! pfizer: most often they sell through internet-stores, looking like real products but much cheaper. to talk to a specialist or to find out more about counterfeits, go to get-hard.ru


[landing page of get-hard.ru - the official pfizer anti-counterfeit website]


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